fix: correct user self management on metadata and delete (#10666)

# Which Problems Are Solved

This PR fixes the self-management of users for metadata and own removal
and improves the corresponding permission checks.
While looking into the problems, I also noticed that there's a bug in
the metadata mapping when using `api.metadata.push` in actions v1 and
that re-adding a previously existing key after its removal was not
possible.

# How the Problems Are Solved

- Added a parameter `allowSelfManagement` to checkPermissionOnUser to
not require a permission if a user is changing its own data.
- Updated use of `NewPermissionCheckUserWrite` including prevention of
self-management for metadata.
- Pass permission check to the command side (for metadata functions) to
allow it implicitly for login v1 and actions v1.
- Use of json.Marshal for the metadata mapping (as with
`AppendMetadata`)
- Check the metadata state when comparing the value.

# Additional Changes

- added a variadic `roles` parameter to the `CreateOrgMembership`
integration test helper function to allow defining specific roles.

# Additional Context

- noted internally while testing v4.1.x
- requires backport to v4.x
- closes https://github.com/zitadel/zitadel/issues/10470
- relates to https://github.com/zitadel/zitadel/pull/10426

(cherry picked from commit 5329d50509)

internal/command/user_v2_phone.go

@@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ func (c *Commands) changeUserPhoneWithGenerator(ctx context.Context, userID, pho
 	if err != nil {
 		return nil, err
 	}
-	if err = c.checkPermissionUpdateUser(ctx, cmd.aggregate.ResourceOwner, userID); err != nil {
+	if err = c.checkPermissionUpdateUser(ctx, cmd.aggregate.ResourceOwner, userID, true); err != nil {
 		return nil, err
 	}
 	if err = cmd.Change(ctx, domain.PhoneNumber(phone)); err != nil {
@@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ func (c *Commands) resendUserPhoneCodeWithGenerator(ctx context.Context, userID
 	if err != nil {
 		return nil, err
 	}
-	if err = c.checkPermissionUpdateUser(ctx, cmd.aggregate.ResourceOwner, userID); err != nil {
+	if err = c.checkPermissionUpdateUser(ctx, cmd.aggregate.ResourceOwner, userID, true); err != nil {
 		return nil, err
 	}
 	if cmd.model.Code == nil && cmd.model.GeneratorID == "" {